ve people have an uncanny ability to get you leaning toward their way of thinking. Their secret weapon is likeability. They get you to like more than their ideas; they get you to like them.
Here are the 15 tricks of the trade that exceptionally persuasive people use to their advantage.
They Know their Audience
Persuasive people know their audience inside and out, and they use this knowledge to speak their audience’s language. Whether it’s toning down your assertiveness when talking to someone who is shy or cranking it up for the aggressive, high-energy type, everyone is different, and catching on to these subtleties goes a long way toward getting them to hear your point of view.
People are much more likely to accept what you have to say once they have a sense of what kind of person you are. In a negotiation study, students were asked to reach agreement in class. Without instruction of any kind, 55% of the students successfully reached agreement. However, when students were instructed to introduce themselves and share their background before attempting to reach agreement, 90% of the students did so successfully.
The key here is to avoid getting too caught up in the back and forth of the discussion. The person you are speaking with is a person, not an opponent or a target. No matter how compelling your argument, if you fail to connect on a personal level, he or she will doubt everything you say.
They Aren’t Pushy
Persuasive people establish their ideas assertively and confidently, without being aggressive or pushy. Pushy people are a huge turn off. The in-your-face approach starts the recipient backpedaling, and before long, they’re running for the hills. Persuasive people don’t ask for much, and they don’t argue vehemently for their position because they know that subtlety is what wins people over in the long run. If you tend to come across as too aggressive, focus on being confident but calm. Don’t be impatient and overly persistent. Know that if your idea is really a good one, people will catch on if you give them time. If you don’t, they won’t catch on at all.
They Aren’t Mousy
On the other hand, presenting your ideas as questions or as though they need approval makes them seem flawed and unconvincing. If you tend to be shy, focus on presenting your ideas as statements and interesting facts for the other party to mull over. Also, remove qualifiers from your speech. When you are trying to be persuasive, there is no room for “I think” or “It is possible that.”
They Use Positive Body Language
Becoming cognizant of your gestures, expressions, and tone of voice (and making certain they’re positive) will engage people and open them up to your arguments. Using an enthusiastic tone, uncrossing your arms, maintaining eye contact, and leaning towards the person who’s speaking are all forms of positive body language that persuasive people use to draw others in. Positive body language will engage your audience and convince them that what you’re saying is valid. When it comes to persuasion, how you say something can be more important than what you say.
They Are Clear and Concise
Persuasive people are able to communicate their ideas quickly and clearly. When you have a firm grasp on what you’re talking about, it’s fun and easy to explain it to those who don’t understand. A good strategy here is to know your subject so well that you could explain it to a child. If you can explain yourself effectively to someone who has no background on the subject, you can certainly make a persuasive case with someone who does.
They Are Genuine
Being genuine and honest is essential to being persuasive. No one likes a fake. People gravitate toward those who are genuine because they know they can trust them. It’s difficult to believe someone when you don’t know who they really are and how they really feel.
Persuasive people know who they are. They are confident enough to be comfortable in their own skin. By concentrating on what drives you and makes you happy as an individual, you become a much more interesting and persuasive person than if you attempt to win people over by trying to be the person they want you to be.
They Acknowledge Your Point of View
An extremely powerful tactic of persuasion is to concede the point. Admit that your argument is not perfect. This shows that you are open minded and willing to make adjustments, instead of stubbornly sticking to your cause. You want your audience to know that you have their best interests at heart. Try using statements such as, “I see where you are coming from,” and “That makes a lot of sense.” This shows that you are actively listening to what they are saying, and you won’t just force your ideas upon them. Persuasive people allow others to be entitled to their opinions and they treat these opinions as valid. They do this because it shows respect, which makes the other person more likely to consider their point of view.
They Ask Good Questions
The biggest mistake people make when it comes to listening is failing to hear what’s being said because they are focusing on what they’re going to say next or how what the other person is saying is going to affect them. The words come through loud and clear, but the meaning is lost. A simple way to avoid this is to ask a lot of questions. People like to know you’re listening, and something as simple as a clarification question shows not only that you are listening but also that you care about what they’re saying. You’ll be surprised how much respect and appreciation you gain just by asking questions.
They Paint a Picture
Research shows that people are far more likely to be persuaded by something that has visuals that bring it to life. Persuasive people capitalize on this by using powerful visual imagery. When actual images aren’t available or appropriate, these people tell vivid stories that breathe life into their ideas. Good stories create images in the mind of the recipients that are easy to relate to and hard to forget.
They Leave a Strong First Impression
Research shows that most people decide whether or not they like you within the first seven seconds of meeting you. They then spend the rest of the conversation internally justifying their initial reaction. This may sound terrifying, but by knowing this, you can take advantage of it to make huge gains in your likeability and ability to persuade. First impressions are intimately tied to positive body language. Strong posture, a firm handshake, a smile, and opening your shoulders to the person you are talking to will help ensure that your first impression is a good one.
They Know When to Step Back
Urgency is a direct threat to persuasion, so tread lightly. When you try to force people to agree instantly, studies show that they are actually more likely to stand by their original opinion. Your impatience causes them to counter your arguments in favor of their own. If your position is strong, you shouldn’t be afraid to back off and give it time to sink in. Good ideas are often difficult to process instantly, and a bit of time can go a long way.
They Greet People by Name
Your name is an essential part of your identity, and it feels terrific when people use it. Persuasive people make certain they use others’ names every time they see them. You shouldn’t use someone’s name only when you greet him or her. Research shows that people feel validated when the person they’re speaking with refers to them by name.
If you’re great with faces but have trouble with names, have some fun with it, and make remembering people’s names a brain exercise. When you meet someone, don’t be afraid to ask his or her name a second time if you forget it right after you hear it. You’ll need to keep the name handy if you’re going to remember it the next time you see the person.
They Are Pleasers
Persuasive people never win the battle only to lose the war. They know how and when to stand their ground, and yet they are constantly making sacrifices that help their cause. They are always giving in, giving ground, and doing things for other people that make them happy. Persuasive people do this because they know in the long run this wins people over. They know it’s better to be successful than it is to be “right.”
People naturally (and unconsciously) mirror the body language of the person they’re talking to. If you want people to like you and believe in you, smile at them during a conversation, and they will unconsciously return the favor and feel good as a result. Persuasive people smile a lot because they have genuine enthusiasm for their ideas. This has a contagious effect on everyone they encounter.
Putting It All Together
Persuasive people are adept at reading and responding to other people. They rely heavily on emotional intelligence (EQ) to bring people to their way of thinking. With 90% of top performers high in emotional intelligence, it’s no wonder that persuasive people rely on this skill to get ahead. Add these skills to your repertoire, and you’re on your way to joining this exclusive group.
Article by Dr. Travis Bradberry…
That would be ADM. Here is an example...
In case you missed it, I posted this (see below in italics) in a thread in defense of TrueCar after two key editors of ADM created an incredibly hostile, non-open, biased environment over the past several days to serve some hidden/personal agenda.
Sure, anyone can chime in so technically it's "open." But when it's YOUR house, YOUR forum, YOUR rules, YOUR personal agenda, and YOUR editors literally 1) dictating what is shown and not shown, 2) dominating the conversation, 3) misstating facts and/or taking others out of context, and 4) blatantly dismissing opposing viewpoints and even launching PERSONAL attacks on the integrity of the opposition (including respected professionals like Grant Cardone or Tom Stuker, both of whom support TrueCar, as well as TrueCar employees including myself, etc.), that is hardly a "fair" and "open" forum.
These unprofessional actions have resultantly shut out the silent MAJORITY from rationally laying out opposing viewpoints to get a fair discussion on this topic. It is IMPOSSIBLE for this to be a "fair" debate, because we simply don't have the time to debate multiple editors who are online all day fueling this fire and agenda when we have day jobs.
Fortunately, the silent majority IS speaking off-the-record because they know this forum debate is one-sided and therefore completely futile to comment on at this point. Instead of comments, we actually had a record number of dealers contact us and sign up to become TrueCar Certified dealers in the past couple weeks because dealer PRINCIPALS a) recognize the significant value proposition we represent to dealers and consumers alike, b) understand the incremental profit we help provide to dealers, and c) are working hard to adapt to the rapid shift in customer demand going on in the marketplace and believe we help them to that end. So we sincerely appreciate the tremendous off-line support we've gotten from top industry consultants, analysts and firms, dealers, vendors, and even competitors (as crazy as that sounds) who have reached out to us privately to keep pressing forward. The fact that the thread in question fails to create a "fair" and "open" forum and has factually silenced the majority is disappointing.
In fairness, Ralph Paglia has reached out multiple times privately to assure me that ADM continues to be a fair and open forum, and thanked me for toughing it out and participating in the discussion to the limited extent I am able as I can't be online 24/7. I respect him for reaching out like that and have no beef with Ralph (or even Keith or Jim quite frankly, as I don't think they're bad people...I just happen to disagree with them on this issue based upon the facts). But the reality is that this is not a fair and open discussion on this particular subject, but an editorial soapbox with an ulterior motive.
So to the silent majority that has viewed these threads and continues to reach out to us daily, thanks for the support and keep your private comments coming in...we appreciate it.
P.S. I don't have any more time to post on ADM!!! Too much work to do, so this is it for the foreseeable future...and don't expect any other posts from me until I get my projects done, which will probably be in a few months...peace out...
(Here is the post in the previously mentioned thread)
@Keith...I have to say I do take some offense to you essentially calling me, Devin and others we work with liars. First, I have built a tremendous reputation of integrity and a proven track record of helping dealers knock it out of the park throughout my entire career. Second, we have clearly stated facts, which you and others have twisted and misstated to suit an agenda.
From a professional and journalistic perspective too, you are an EDITOR for ADM. That is a special title that does not give you or any other ADM editor the right to baselessly attack participants to suit your own agenda and/or create a hostile, biased, editorialized environment in the process. That flies in the face of a welcome/open forum and journalistic standards. Keith Crain does not chime in and attack people in threads at Automotive News for expressing their differing viewpoints. My friend Dutch Mandel at AutoWeek doesn't do that either. Stephen Moore doesn't do that at the WSJ. And so on. They create and facilitate an environment that fosters healthy debate and learnings. But when the editors of a publication or forum actively create a hostile, biased, environment to suit their own agenda, it absolutely prevents and discourages the silent majority (and yes, it is the majority) from offering their differing viewpoints, which is counterproductive to the learning process in a truly "open" forum.
I have stated facts, and also have provided context for my perspectives (my extensive and diverse OEM, retail, marketing, consulting/Six Sigma, and technology background), and yet my facts and perspectives have been summarily dismissed as "liar liar pants on fire." For example...
As I've previously stated, I'm a franchising expert, have stated that it is basically impossible to eradicate a dealer network (unless the OEM ceases to exist of course), and asked for anyone to explain how exactly that could be done since many of you actually believe that about TrueCar. Yet I've gotten no answer. Why? Because we all know it can't be done. That said, why is this even remotely a topic of discussion if it is impossible and untrue for TrueCar or anyone to do?
I've stated that TrueCar factually generates incremental profitability for dealers, yet that is dismissed with no data to the contrary.
I've stated that EVERYONE thinks and knows there are too many dealers...dealers think this, many OEMs think this, industry experts (e.g. Roger Penske) and analysts think this, and so on. So if I or anyone says that the market needs fewer dealers, there is no debate on that...it is a true statement.
Edmunds gets far more traffic than TrueCar and shows TMV cost and pricing data. KBB gets far more traffic than TrueCar and shows Reality Check cost and pricing data. So they have far more volume than we do, have shown cost and pricing information far longer than we have, yet no one here has ever criticized them for fueling an alleged race-to-zero for showing that cost and pricing information to far more customers than we do. Strange.
No one has presented any data to support that pricing transparency fuels a race-to-zero. Yet while more customers have seen pricing and cost information in Edmunds, KBB, and TrueCar year-over-year, overall transaction prices and margins have increased year-over-year. How is that possible if such information fuels a race-to-zero?
It has gotten so low that even Grant Cardone is being accused here of lying on behalf of TrueCar (because of a Fox News affiliation?!). So is Tom Stuker lying too for supporting what we do? Are the other top consultants throughout the industry all lying too in their support of TrueCar? Or they are all just wrong and everyone here is right?
I asked a simple question before...if your daughter/mother/sister/wife was buying a car for the first time, would you let them go to a random dealer in the market and buy a car with no input or help from you? To date, I have NEVER gotten a "yes" answer to this, and many dealers have even added half-jokingly that they probably wouldn't let them buy a car unannounced from their own dealerships. Therein lies the problem, customers aren't getting a great experience, and we all know it. And that is part of the reason why TrueCar (and our partners like Consumer Reports, USAA, et al), Edmunds, KBB, AutoTrader, Cars.com, CarWoo, CarPerks, AutoNation Direct, Costco, and probably more than a hundred others all exist...to try and meet the rapidly evolving wants and needs of current and future car buyers, and work WITH valued dealer partners to mutually achieve that goal.
Regarding this eradication of the dealer network notion, I'm reminded that Costco has never been the subject of outrage, yet they facilitated the sale of FAR more vehicles last year than TrueCar, at rock bottom prices, and if they could figure it out, they'd get rid of all dealers and sell and service vehicles themselves (i.e. become the dealer themselves) because they have the central locations and brick and mortar to do it. They legitimately are a FAR greater threat to dealers than TrueCar or anyone else, yet again, I never heard one word about them.
About 1.5% of retail sales will be facilitated by TrueCar and our nearly 100 partners this year. Again, how can this possibly destroy the entire dealer network as you know it, and overcome the other 98.5% of sales they make outside of TrueCar? And if we absolutely CRUSHED it in the next few years and miraculously got to a whopping 5% somehow, explain how that will overshadow the other 95% of sales dealers make? When I was running a store, I did the math and we could have literally sold 5% of our cars every month for a $5,000 loss each, and STILL turned a profit for the entire dealership. I could have literally given a way 1.5% of our vehicles every month and still turned a profit for the store. If 1.5% of retail sales is going to devastate your dealership, as Grant Cardone said in his video, and Tom Stuker told me the other day, you have some serious problems and have only yourself to blame.
AutoTrader has HomeNet, KBB, vAuto, VinSolutions, etc. in their portfolio, and a huge warchest too. They just enhanced their cost and pricing data for consumers with Reality Check, but again, not a word from anyone here despite having FAR more volume and more brand awareness than us. They are a well-run company, plan to IPO, have a warchest, have DMS access, and have Stapleton (I love ya Stapes! =), etc. But again, not a word from anyone here about it despite the similarities.
So given these facts, I have to ask again, why are we spending so much time and energy a company impacting 1.5% of sales, and also not applying consistency in criticism of other similar businesses? It's funny...when there are major disagreements on something, I turn it around and ask people to name one thing about it that is good or positive. If people are honest, there is almost never a time you can't say something legitimately positive about it. Hey, I understand Jerry has assailed us to no end, but he's entitled to his opinion, he's not an editor or contributor here, and I respect that. And I'm sure his company does some good work for dealers too, so I have no beef there either. But if we all take a step back, breathe for a second, I think we can look at everything a little bit differently...
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