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Crazy "Car Biz" Closers

What's the craziest lines or stories you've ever heard in a dealership to close the deal? Come on now, this is the car biz after all!

Members: 12
Latest ADM Activity: Sep 1, 2012

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Comment by Christian V. Fackrell on September 1, 2009 at 2:09pm
That's a good one Baron. Some " good girl on girl action." (snort ;-)
Comment by Christian V. Fackrell on August 3, 2009 at 10:59pm
@Ken Nix,

Don't you worry about the Kharma man, it'll dig you up if you need it. It's like faith, if you have troublesome strife, pray about it and quit your worry. It's outta your hands. You know?
Besides, being nice feels nice.
Comment by Christian V. Fackrell on August 3, 2009 at 10:57pm
I am stoked to see the portrayal of the guys in "The Goods" about the Slasher types that introduced me into the car business when I was a Musician on the road out in Northern Arizona just b4 the turn of the century. We traded for ANY-thing like livestock and all kinds of crazy folks and stuff showed up. Never any alligators on the lot but chickens and horses galore.
This quiet type was my GM "Bobby". Kinda like a Lone Star Cowboy Type you saw in the Big Lebowski movie. Still , NOT the type to put on a T.O. we had "closers" for that. Liners to target the customers, salesmen (like me at the time) to demo, test drive and write up the 4 square and closers to well, close da deal.
It was not my deal inparticular that day when I saw Bobby leave the RV and head inside where I was drinking some water & adding some more suntan lotion to my lobster red neck.
Apparently the closer convinced Bobby he had a tiger by the tail for the biggest damn truck on the lot.

Bobby, headed right for this stout Native American fella and subtly picked him up by his upper arm and led him outside. Stopping briefly to say something to him face to face b4 heading toward the guys horsetrailer.
Apparently it was sore point of negotiating b/c the guy wanted $10,000.00 for the horses towards the purchase of this big ass GMC truck. Bobby lifted the horses tail and handed it to the guy to hold and pointed out the horses were castrated. Then held up all the fingers on one hand. The Native fella nodded and we had a deal.
Odd perhaps, but reallife trumps reality in the car business sometimes.
God bless you Bobby, hope you are doing well out in the Verde Valley!

Comment by Ken Nix on July 9, 2009 at 2:44pm
The Year, 1998. Coos Bay Toyota. There was this huge 4 wheel drive that kept driving through the lot but wouldn't stop. The desk yelled at me saying make sure someone stops that truck the next time it comes through. 10 minutes later, it comes through again and I sent a saleperson out to stop it. and it drove right past him. Of course I got my butt chewed fo allowing that to happen. So when they drove through the next time, I went out and laid in the middle of the road so he had to stop. This huge guy gets out and says he should have ran over me. I went right into my Joe Verde bridge and next thing you know, I have his girlfriend wrote up and spot delivered in a new corolla.

Well, the bank didn't think she was as sweet as we did and so we had to repo the car. I was told to have them come in, when they walked in I told them I'd get the corolla washed. They gave me the keys and the f&i manager gave them the keys back to her barely running mercury zephyr. Of course Big 4wd dude wants to tell me thanks with a knuckle sandwich and the GSM has to step between us and save me.

Fast forward 6 months later. I'm now working at Coos Bay Hondaworld, why? because every time they would send someone out on a you drive in an accord, I'd sell the customer a camry and send the accord back to them with coos bay toyota plates on it. :)

I'm standing in the showroom when someone taps me on the shoulder and asks if I can help them, I turn around and much to both of our surprise, It's Big 4wd Dude with his girlfriend. At first they were pissed, until I explained that I was just as upset and left Toyota to work at Honda. Girlfriend had just completed college and automatically qualified through Honda. I closed them at a 3800. Front gross with no trade, on a CIVIC lease! We couldn't even eat up all of the money on the back end. I know what you're thinking. Ken, you're a coniving scumbag. I was, until I found...Karma in 2001. I didn't really understand it though until . My name is Earl came on TV and I could relate.. That turned my life around. I know it's sad, but that's the truth. I don't have a list, but I always do the right thing now and I try to do something nice for other people every chance I get to make up for the destruction I caused in the car business.

Next up, how to drive a truck someone else is leasing and making the payments on for a year.

Comment by Ken Nix on July 9, 2009 at 2:01pm
The year was 1999 and a salesperson had a customer in Coos Bay Oregon who wanted a Sienna in "Frosted Iris Metallic", which was basically lavender. Being in Coos Bay, we didn't have a lot of Sienna inventory and of course definitely not an odd color like Frosted Iris Metallic. We had Sunfire Red or Maroon. The salesperson had been working them for over 4 hours trying to get the customer to take the maroon one instead of the insisted Frosted Iris Metallic. The customer was already out the door and I asked the desk if I could give it a shot. They said yes, and I got them back in and sat them down and asked them a few general questions and found the wife loved the color but the husband was the main driver. The husband was kind of a redneck man's man.

So I had a plan. I told them that luckily they didn't want the red one we have as we just found out it is the most sought after color in the area and because of supply and demand I would have to sell it at the full markup of 2000 over MSRP. But, in order to earn their business, not only would I locate and go get a Frosted Iris Metallic Sienna for them, but I would sell it to them at invoice for their trouble. The Couple was ecstatic to say the least and I told them I just had to run a locate for them. I excused my self from the table and went to run a locate.

A few minutes passed as I ran the locate when I came back I had a long sheet of Frosted Iris Metallic Siennas that I had found. I told them that I had good news and bad news, which did they want first. The Redneck guy said, "give me the bad news first". The bad news is, on the report I ran, there isn't a single dealer in Oregon with a Frosted Iris Metallic listed. The Good news is that I found over 50 of them and I can get one no problem as the report puts them all in the same city. I pause, building the suspense and waiting for the Redneck guy. Then it came.....Well, where are they? he nearly screamed.

Well, according to this report, they're all in San Francisco. I can have one here first thing in the morning.

The Redneck literally screamed "Oh Hell No! We'll take the red one you have on the lot. He paid full sticker.
1. I never lied to him, but I only ran a locate for dealers in the San Francisco area. Of course not an Oregon dealer was on the report as I said.
2. A customer's perception is his reality. His own bigotry lead him to believe the Frosted Iris Metallic was not a manly color. So he ended up paying nearly $4000 more that the previous salesperson had offered to sell him the same Red Sienna.
Comment by Christian V. Fackrell on April 13, 2009 at 12:38pm
Mark, that is Rich man, rich!

Comment by Mark Crosby on April 4, 2009 at 6:53pm
I was at a client in the Bronx a few years ago waiting to see the GM for an ad meeting. I overheard a salesperson talking with his customer who was, let's just say fiscally challenged, about buying a "newer" car. The customer insisted on a brand new one and the salesman said they would be better with the "newer" one because of the price difference. They haggled on all kinds of prices, total purchase price, leasing, balloons etc., Finally the GSM came over as he could overhear everything and said look here have a 580 credit score, you don't want to put any money down and you only wanna pay for 36 months. You're looking at a truck for $40 grand and you want payments for $450 a month. It's not happening!
What I can do is put you into this small used SUV (from Korean mfr) it has a $20K price tag, your payments will be $530 because your credit is crap and we're good to go! The customer started to get up like he was going to get in the GSM's face so the GSM gets up, puts his hand in his pocket and pulls out $10 in cash and puts it on the desk and says "look I can get you into that vehicle right now or, you can take the $10 and get on the bus!" the customer sat down signed the papers and got spotted in 2 hours. The next week when I visited the dealership for another meeting the GM told me the guy called back...thanked the sales person & the GSM and said you're right this car is better than the bus!
Comment by Christian V. Fackrell on April 3, 2009 at 4:06pm
So this young blond is outta work and starts looking for odd jobs in the neighborhood. She spots a painting job and knocks on the front door. A fella answers the door and tells her she can have $50.00 for painting the porch. She agrees and he heads back inside. His wife says, "Does she know the porch goes all the way around the house?" "She was standing on it when she agreed to $50.00." he replies.
Some time later theres a knock on the door. The blonde is smiling with her hand out. "All done sir! And there was paint left over so I gave it two coats!"
Surprised at how fast she was he hands her the $50 spot and she walks away saying " Oh, by the way, it's a Ferrari not a Porch!"
Comment by Christian V. Fackrell on April 3, 2009 at 2:55pm
Phil, is that Porsheas, Porsheez, Porches or Porridge-what is the proper pronunciation?
Comment by Christian V. Fackrell on April 3, 2009 at 11:23am
Tusen Tak, Silia.
Yes'm never mistake my kindness for weakness.

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